Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
