I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
