At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
