please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
