If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize