So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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