oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
