Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
