I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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