Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
