We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
