I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
