I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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