just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
