My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
tell me about the fingering
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