do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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