Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
