If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
