at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
