Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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