I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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