cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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