i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so let's talk penis.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
