I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
