Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
