The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
