Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
