It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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