hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
