Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
