He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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