At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
