I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
