So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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