i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
