also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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