I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
