We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize