fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
