Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
