Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
