i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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