he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
