What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why can't burritos get me drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
