cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
