They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
