I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize