If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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