hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
