Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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