Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
