I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
