Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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