just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
