Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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