I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
