Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
