we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
