Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
