Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
