he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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