I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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