In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
