i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
