Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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