Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
should my penis look like a turkey
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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