Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize