hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
