so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
