My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
